dysnomia.us

bikes and mayhem

Let’s start with an update on this guy:

• Iraq shoe thrower’s sentence cut to one year

Better to be in an Iraqi prison with the whole world knowing you’re the shoe-thrower than in as just some guy. But still, better to be on a beach somewhere.

OK, on to bikes and not-bikes. The first one is applicable to lots of places other than Portland:

• Why should the City of Portland invest in bicycling?

And this one is just dumb. Note to GM and Segway: there’s already a two-wheeled vehicle out there that’s cheaper and doesn’t require any energy source you weren’t born with. Also, people who use them tend to develop hot-looking asses. I’m just sayin.

• GM Shows Why It Shouldn’t Get Bailout – Wrong 2 Wheel Thinking

I promised you a zombie the other day, and it’s not even an Easter joke:

• Hundreds arrive to see ‘dead’ man

It was believed Ntsente had been shot dead in 2001 during taxi-related violence between the Ncedo and Border taxi associations.

Ntsente claims the gunmen were in white minibus taxi – and that he saw it all happening. “During the shooting I saw myself standing on another side watching a person who resembled me being shot in the forehead, right knee stomach and spine.”

Ntsente said his badly injured “duplicate” was taken to St Barnabas Hospital in Libode . “I witnessed this person dying. The body was taken to the hospital’s mortuary where (it was) cut open to remove internal organs before it was kept in a fridge.”

Ntsente claims he even witnessed his night vigil and funeral and was then taken by “four female witches” to a dark forest where he met “lots of other abducted people”.

“We mostly drank blood and ate izinsipa (used sorghum) and wild berries. I was released after witches said I was too powerful for them to make me do evil things,” he said.

Assorted other mayhem:

• Metairie man says stranger chewed, swallowed after taking bite out of his arm
• Lenin gets it in the end
• Sword attacker sliced off victim’s left hand

A MAN who had just had his hand severed with a samurai sword punched his attacker in the face with the stump, a court heard yesterday.

And two more cases of robbery fail:

• Automatic door thwarts woman’s attempted $1,200 theft at Schnucks
• Man cries after attempt to rob liquor store fails

failure and mayhem

Piracy fail:

• Pirates attacking German ship captured off Somalia

In the attack on the German ship, pirates apparently mistook German FGS Spessart supply vessel for a commercial ship when they opened fire on it on Sunday afternoon, U.S. Navy 5th Fleet spokesman Lt. Nate Christensen said.

The German sailors returned fire and pursued the skiff while also calling in for support. Several naval ships — including a Greek and a Dutch frigate, a Spanish warship and the USS Boxer — sped to the area while a Spanish marine aircraft and two U.S. Marine Cobra helicopters joined the pursuit.

Robbery fail:

• ‘Dumb’ thief picks police summit

Assassination fail:

• FARC guerillas fail in bid to kill defence minister after spelling mistake

Bomb threat fail:

• Sea Shepherd Bomb Threat Phoned in By Drunk Fisherman

Kenneth James Archer admitted to calling in the threat because of a “dispute” with the crew members of Sea Shepherd. Police tracked him down because he made the call to the police from his cell phone.

Archer had been drinking at the time and was embarrassed by the whole ordeal. In court, the judge recognized this and issued a fine of $1,500 as the only punishment.

More animal mayhem:

• Runaway kangaroos on the loose in France

“We had 15 missing kangaroos — it was complete panic,” she told AFP.

Firefighters, police and gendarmes were mobilised to track down the animals as they bounded through the woods.

Another cannibal:

• Cannibal mum eats her chum

monkeys, mayhem and pot

More animal mayhem:

• Monkey ‘kills cruel owner with coconut thrown from tree’

Leilit Janchoom, 48, had employed the monkey to pick coconuts which he could then sell for around 4p each.

The animal – named Brother Kwan – found the work tedious and strenuous but Mr Janchoom refused to let him rest, dishing out beatings if he refused to climb trees.

It is believed that the monkey eventually snapped, and targeted his owner from a high branch with one of the hard-skinned fruits.

• Police seize 1,200 pounds of pot in spinach cans
• Man says he moved pot plants to keep burglars away

And more ALF stuff:

• 10 Easy Ways to Be Labeled a “Terrorist” by the Government

10.) Sabotage corporate property.
9.) Fall in love with an FBI agent.
8.) Attend vegan potlucks.
7.) Protect your privacy.
6.) Beat the good ol’ boys at their own game.
5.) Stop the symbolism.
4.) Be vocal and unapologetic.
3.) Go after their money.
2.) Get to their root of the problem.
1.) Be effective.

• Animal terrorist group foiled by informant dressed as a beagle

Radford, who is now based in Gran Canaria, believes the intelligence he provided from the ALF’s headquarters at a cottage in Hampshire helped the police to target its leaders and protect potential victims.

In a series of trials in recent months, four of the “godfathers” of animal extremism who were befriended by Radford have been jailed.

mayhem

Pirates are having a hard time of it lately:

• German Navy hands over suspected pirates to Kenya
• One step forward

Still having repercussions, though:

• Sea piracy causes 50% decline in fish production

This bunch got away with it because they’re not off of Somalia:

• Pirates hijack trawler, kill 3 crewmen off Basilan Island

And now on to Animal Liberation Front action. If you don’t know about the Animal Enterprise Terrorism Act, you should check it out.

• 2 Animal Rights Activists Arrested as “Terrorists” for Freeing Mink in Utah
• Snitch Hunt

The critical step in this process is for law enforcement to use what little evidence they have to scare the living hell out of those arrested. They use threats of outlandish prison sentences and terrorism rhetoric in order to create government informants, or snitches. They then continue that pattern of threats and fear-mongering with each subsequent arrestee, until they have enough to move forward with a case. This snitch-based model of police work (as opposed to gathering evidence, witnesses and leads) is notoriously unreliable and often illegal.

Here’s another activist going to jail, this time for driving a nice old lady to her house:

• Bull Connor lives! TVA watchdogs arrested, harassed
• Activist arrested at coal ash site

And then there’s this:

• Fringe group of enviros vandalizing homes, cars

And finally, I don’t know why I’m so enamored of these animal attack stories lately. Probably because they’re awesome:

• Maine skiers warned about late-night owl attacks

crime and mayhem

Let’s get right to the crime and mayhem:

• Satanist inmate sues county
• China bus thief, 13, causes road chaos

• Taxing pot could become a political toking point

Buoyed by the widely held belief that cannabis is California’s biggest cash crop, Assemblyman Tom Ammiano contends it is time to reap some state revenue from that harvest while putting a damper on drug use by teens, cutting police costs and even helping Mother Nature.

• Steve Irwin raid sparked by Japanese complaint
• Any Sea Shepherd charge needs A-G’s nod

Australian Federal Police Commissioner Mick Keelty said Japan’s complaint about the Steve Irwin reached his organisation last week by way of the Japanese embassy in Canberra, and through the Australian embassy in Tokyo.

The official complaint stemmed from the director-general of the Japanese fishing agency.

Police confiscated the ship’s logbook and video footage of dramatic whale-killing scenes.

• FBI Arrests 4 Activists as “Terrorists” for Chalking Slogans, Leafleting and Protesting
• Four arrested in string of animal rights attacks on UC scientists

I’ve posted about the big civil disobedience at the US Capitol’s power plant before, but here’s more about it. All the contact people on their website seems to have Greenpeace and Rainforest Action Network emails. It’d be nice if this was the beginning of Greenpeace USA getting serious again. This here is the head of the NASA Goddard Institute for Space Studies:

• Civil Disobedience: Climate Change Edition

And finally:

• Geronimo’s heirs sue secret Yale society over his skull

Geronimo died a prisoner of war at Fort Sill, , in 1909. A longstanding tradition among members of Skull and Bones holds that Prescott Bush — father of President George Bush and grandfather of President George W. Bush — broke into the grave with some classmates during World War I and made off with the skull, two bones, a bridle and some stirrups, all of which were put on display at the group’s clubhouse in New Haven, known as the Tomb.

Here’s where he’s supposed to be buried at Fort Sill, OK:

special mayhem edition

I know you’ve seen this already, but isn’t it worth watching again?

What a perfect exit. Meanwhile, in further mayhem, we have bank bombings and celebrity church burnings:

• Fire at Palin’s Church Lifted Spirits, Churchgoer Says, as Governor Apologizes Again
• Oregon bank bombing suspect charged with murder

Also, a governor and a Wall Street baron have gone down in disgrace over the last few days, and no one seems to have much idea what to do about this whole economy thing. Ever get the feeling things are running off the rails?

Which reminds me, as an aside, that you should check out what’s been happening to our supply lines to Afghanistan:

• Pakistani lorry drivers supplying Nato troops in Afghanistan go on strike

Pakistani authorities closed the Khyber Pass route nine days ago after militants carried out their biggest attack yet on the supply line, torching around 260 vehicles on two consecutive nights in the northwestern city of Peshawar….

…Pakistan’s Government re-opened the route yesterday, hoping to restore a lifeline that accounts for about 70 per cent of all supplies to the 67,000 Nato, US and other foreign troops in Afghanistan.

But the Khyber Transport Association, which claims to represent the owners of 3,500 trucks, tankers and other vehicles, said that its members would no longer ply the route because of the recent security problems.

Somali pirates are actually going to court in Kenya. On the other hand, Somalia’s “government” apparently had room to collapse even further.

• Somali Pirates Face Justice, Finally
• Somali president fires premier; new chaos ensues
• Indian Navy repulses attack on ship off Somalia

Greece shows no signs of settling down, and the rest of Europe is starting to get nervous:

• New wave of riots expected as 100,000 face sack in Greece
• Greek riots spark fear of Europe in flames

Today’s show has been brought to you by the number strife and the letter discord.

meat and mayhem, plus pirates

Would you eat this? Comments please. I eat meat, and I eat strange highly processed food products, so this doesn’t seem any worse. Maybe I ought to be more squeamish about it, but it’s just more sci fi to me. It’ll be hard to argue if it tastes like bacon and is made of science.

• Checkout Line: Meet shmeat
  Test-tube flesh, coming soon to a hot dog near you

Dear Lou,

I hear that PETA has come out in favor of the development of test-tube meat. What’s up with that? I like to eat meat, and I try to be conscious about it — but I can’t tell if the prospect of test-tube meat should make me feel relieved or horrified.

Lisa

I’ve been slacking on your mayhem, so thanks to Sammaelhain for keeping me up to date on the riots in Greece:

• “We are an image from the future”
• Photos and Videos from the Greek Riots

News of pirates:

• Pirates ‘put down hostage revolt’
• Somali pirate threat forces cruise ship evacuation
• Pirates shifting the goalposts on EU armada: watchdog
• Maritime body issues S. China Sea piracy warning

Except for that last one, the piracy story is basically about Somalia. Things don’t look to be improving:

• Rights Group: Failed US Policies Making Matters Worse in Somalia
• Witnesses: Ethiopians troops pouring into Somalia

So Ethiopia is on the offensive just weeks before it’s supposed to pull out. If they’re making a final smash, they might keep the islamists from seizing power for a little longer, but one more spasm of fighting is hardly what will solve any of the country’s problems.

I mentioned yesterday that the international system doesn’t seem to have the tools to handle this sort of problem these days. Here’s what the FT says Obama’s crowd is talking about. The title is hyperbole, but it’s also an indication that the subject is on people’s minds:

• And now for a world government

A taste of the ideas doing the rounds in Obama circles is offered by a recent report from the Managing Global Insecurity project, whose small US advisory group includes John Podesta, the man heading Mr Obama’s transition team and Strobe Talbott, the president of the Brookings Institution, from which Ms Rice has just emerged.

The MGI report argues for the creation of a UN high commissioner for counter-terrorist activity, a legally binding climate-change agreement negotiated under the auspices of the UN and the creation of a 50,000-strong UN peacekeeping force. Once countries had pledged troops to this reserve army, the UN would have first call upon them.

I haven’t read it yet, but here’s the report:

• A New Era of International Cooperation for a Changed World: 2009, 2010, and Beyond

Liberal internationalism is something a Clinton State Department could get behind pretty easily.

news news news

Starting with the mayhem, of course:
Jilted lover accidentally blows up building
Man allegedly steals communion wafers from priest

The Stuart News reported that Ricci was being held down by six or seven offended parishioners when deputies arrived at St. Martin de Porres Catholic Church in Jensen Beach. Police say two parishioners, ages 82 and 61, received minor injuries in the scuffle.

Enviro-ish stuff:

Faced with rising sea levels, the Maldives seek new homeland

Were these countries to be evacuated, the legal status of the global warming diaspora would be unclear. The same goes for that of a submerged country’s sovereignty. No nation in recorded history has peacefully relocated its entire population and remained intact, and, as National Geographic pointed out in 2005, environmental refugees are not recognized by international law.

Not So Green: Voters Nix Most Environmental State Ballot Measures
Critical Mass Transit: Major mass-transit initiatives did well in U.S. election

IEA stokes doubts over world’s climate fight
Peak Oil: You Can Run, But You Can’t Hide From Higher Oil Prices

Wood War Bike
Metro, BTA support bike tax concept

And what’s a day without pirates? Things are heating up off of Somalia:
Royal Navy in firefight with Somali pirates

Pirates caught redhanded by one of Her Majesty’s warships after trying to hijack a cargo ship off Somalia made the grave mistake of opening fire on two Royal Navy assault craft packed with commandos armed with machineguns and SA80 rifles.

In the ensuing gunfight, two Somali pirates in a Yemeni-registered fishing dhow were killed, and a third pirate, believed to be a Yemeni, suffered injuries and subsequently died. It was the first time the Royal Navy had been engaged in a fatal shoot-out on the high seas in living memory.

By the time the Royal Marines boarded the pirates’ vessel, the enemy had lost the will to fight and surrendered quietly. The Royal Navy described the boarding as “compliant”.

And here are three pirate stories from other parts of the world:
Pirates release 10 hostages kidnapped near Cameroon
Pirates Attack Sailboat in Venezuela
Pirates target slow barges (Singapore)

crime and mayhem, plus space

Otto the octopus wreaks havoc

“Once we saw him juggling the hermit crabs in his tank, another time he threw stones against the glass damaging it. And from time to time he completely re-arranges his tank to make it suit his own taste better – much to the distress of his fellow tank inhabitants.”

Priest ’smashes chair’ over Italian restaurant owner’s head as nuns kick him in the stomach
Teen arrested breaking into police station
Drugs smugglers break down outside Kenya police base

Forcefields will guard Mars ships from solar ion storms
India’s Moon Probe On Track For Lunar Orbit
New Mexico Voters Defeat Spaceport America Measure

OK, maybe a little news from the Arctic while I’m here….
Norway abandons Arctic navy base
Fears mount as Arctic melt prompts historic methane rise

pirates, crime and general mayhem (now with 82% more cows)

Somali Pirates Tell Their Side: They Want Only Money
Somali Pirates Appear to Be Reducing Ransom
Somali pirates deny shootout, renew ransom demand

Somalia Piracy Crisis: A Little Law and Order, Please

Two years ago, the hardline Islamic Courts regime, allied with a number of regional warlords, had brought a measure of stability to Somalia after 15 years of civil war. The Courts suppressed piracy to its lowest level in years. But U.S. suspicions that the Courts were actively harboring Al-Qaeda operatives led the U.S. to sponsor an joint invasion by Ethiopia and an alliance of outside Somali clans, destroying the Courts and sparking a bloody, Iraq-style insurgency. In the wake of the invasion, piracy flared up again.

Drug Runners Stepping Up Mini-Sub Use

Mailman Sentenced For Dealing Pot On Route

Woman In Cow Suit Moo-ves Police To Arrest
In pictures: Cow attempts to jump elderly woman – with hilarious results

And since we’re talking about cows and mayhem in the same breath, here’s an old chestnut: